bearthinking

About recovering from depression and suicide.

Things not to say…

I got this from a friend on a global support group site. I’ve had these said to me soooooo many freakin’ times. They used to annoy me, now they just make me sad for the ignorant people who think they have actually done something meaningful by saying one or more of them. They don’t realise that they may actually making things worse. Anyway, here they are…

ā€ˇThings not to say to someone who has depression:

“Snap out of it!”
Snap out of what? You think I’m sulking or something? I’m just in a rut?

“You’re just feeling sorry for yourself.”
Maybe, but if I am, it’s probably the disease making …me feel that way instead of me choosing to indulge in a pity party.

“I know just how you feel.”
Unless you’ve suffered from clinical depression – uh, no you really, really don’t. Maybe you had a glimpse of it if you had a significantly “down” mood at some point, but other than that, you really don’t know how I feel.

“You have so much to be thankful for – why are you depressed?”
Don’t you think that the depressed person has asked themselves that a thousand times?

“Try prayer.
Leaving aside the possibility that the person you’re talking to is not religious, I can assure you that anyone who is spiritual has been asking their deity for help all along, and received what comfort they can from prayer.

“Have you tried just not being depressed?”
Oh my gosh, why didn’t I think of that? I’m cured! (Groan) I mean, honestly.

“It’s a beautiful day!”
Not helping. One of the things that is the most upsetting when you’re depressed is that a beautiful sunny day can’t touch the darkness you’re feeling.

“It’s all in your mind.”
Ummm, yeah. And that helps me how?

“Everyone gets depressed sometimes.”
No, what you’re talking about isn’t depression, but a funk or a rut or a blue day. That’s like comparing the flu to pneumonia.

“Come on, just cheer up!”
Um, that’s the problem, I CAN’T. Don’t you think I want to? Do you think I actually enjoy feeling like killing myself?

Sometimes, I’d like to be around when they desperately need help, say when they are hanging on to a 200 foot cliff ledge.

“Come on, just pull yourself up!”

“It’s a nice view from there, isn’t it?”

“You have so much to be thankful for – why are you screaming?”

“Try prayer.”

“Everyone falls over a cliff at sometime.”

“Snap out of it!”

“You’re just feeling sorry for yourself.”

“I know just how you feel.”

“It’s all in your mind.”

“Have you ever tried not being pushed off a cliff?”

If depressives, especially suicidal ones, follow these pieces of “advice” it would be like the person hanging on letting go, and with the same end result. Well folks, I think I’ll talk to someone who actually knows about this and can help, thank you very much.

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October 15, 2010 Posted by | depression, recovery, suicide | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment