bearthinking

About recovering from depression and suicide.

Rant – Treatment

Ok, it has been awhile… a long while since I last posted here.  Why?  Meds.  It is that simple.

Celexa and Trazadone made me edgy, irritable, and isolating as well as messing up my sleep.  Gave me nightmares.   Pristiq made me scared, edgy, irritable, and suicidal as well as messing with my sleep and the nightmares.  Celexa and Geodon… legal LSD as far as I’m concerned, and yes, it messed with my sleep.  I isolated during these months because I was afraid of how I would behave… and had some evidence I was right.

Now, however, I’m on Celexa and Abilify.   It makes me capable of dealing with everything except the fact that I have Restless Leg Syndrome, and feel like I have ADD and mild Autism… can not concentrate for extended oh, look, a chicken.  And, again, it messes with my sleep, but at least the dreams are odd, not nightmarish.

I feel at times like I am defusing bombs.  I do things and report how it makes me feel and side effects (did I mention the nasty flatulence on the Celexa + Abilify?) that hit me.  I’m not writing these to scare you away from these meds because some do work for some people.  Also, the can work fine for awhile then lose effectiveness or produce new, bad side-effects.  Case in point, I did fine for a few years on Zoloft, then pffft, it crapped out on me when I needed it really bad.

The point is, be part of your treatment.  Watch your reactions to the meds, have others help if possible.  Make your doctor(s) respond positively to your concerns, or change doctors if need be.  I know that somehow I will get a med or combination that will work; it may take time, but it will happen.  I work with my pshrink, and we are working to get me on track neurochemically.

But meds alone won’t do the trick for long.  A problem with most mental illnesses is that while medication can help restore normal brain function, it does not change the habits of thought, the built up experiences and filters by which we gauge and respond to our environment.

I have an excellent therapist.  Here, as with the meds, what makes my therapist best for me may not make her best for you.  Again, participate in your treatment.

All certified therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists are bound to confidentiality – professional trust as it were.  But that does not cover personal trust or levels of comfort.  Choose your therapist if possible.  If not, and you are assigned one that you feel uncomfortable with, tell them out right and don’t back down.  If you can’t say whatever you wish to your therapist, you need a new one, one you can trust.

Make your treatment as effective as possible.  Take as much charge of it as you can and expand upon it.  No one knows better than you what is working and what isn’t.  Obviously sometimes you need outside input to determine that, but in the end it is your treatment, your mental health, your chance at a fulfilling life, your freedom from The Pit that is at stake.  Own it and no one can ever again take it from you.

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May 6, 2011 - Posted by | autobio, depression, recovery | , , , , ,

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